A Man On Death Row
Dear Frank,
Happy Thanksgiving! I hope yours was better than Deschanel and Beau's! They did a bad job of solving crime this time.
I mean, I'm writing this a few days after seeing it, and this isn't exactly a show that lingers in the brain. But lemme see what I can remember...
Oh, yeah! Deschanel wants a gun, so she can shoot people in case Beau's dead or incapacitated. Not that she WANTS that to happen. But she sure does want that gun. But when she shot that guy in the pilot, Beau had to charge her with a felony for shooting an unarmed man, and apparently being charged with a felony means you don't get a gun. Just another cute story for them to tell their grandchildren!
And then a Hot Lawyer Lady (maybe I should stop referring to the characters as Hot or Not, given that they all seem to be some varying degree of Hot) shows up, because a South-Talking Such-A-Nice-Boy-Who-Would-Have-Thought who Beau put in the slammer is about to get his ass lethal-injectioned in forty-eight hours.
Being as he is one of those conscienceable ex-snipers, Beau goes to see the South-Talking Such-A-Nice-Boy (workin' his Edward Norton quite nicely, thank you), who claims innocence from killing a pretty blonde thing all those years ago. SANB even jumps us to this week's "When I Was a Sniper" update BEFORE THE END OF THE TEASER: "I mean, when you were a sniper, how many people did you kill?" I swear to God.
So Beau's like, hey, nerds, you aren't doing anything this weekend, right? Because we have 38 hours to find the identity of an unexplained pubic hair on the victim's seven-years-cold underwear. Lesser Deschanel, who, in case you've forgotten, HAS NO LIFE, of course is happy to stick around, but Hot Not Asian's got sex plans and doesn't want to cancel them. So her solution is to bring Random Sex-Doing Boy to the lab and make him sit in a corner while she "takes care of a few things." But Random Sex-Doing Boy gets creeped out by the dead bodies and runs away, calling them all freaks.
You know what this show is? Subtle.
Blah blah blah investigation. There's a judge who keeps getting woken up in the middle of the night to sign various exhumation orders, and he won't close his bathrobe when Deschanel asks. He's genuinely entertaining. And Hot Lady Lawyer is kinda dumb, but she sure does ask Deschanel if she and Beau are doing it! Deschanel: "No, no, we just work together." HLL: "Are you sure? Because I sensed some SEXUAL TENSION..."
Did I mention the subtle?
They figure out where the murder weapon might have been left (they find pollen in the skull wound? I don't know) and when they get there the future technology indicates that there are more bodies. Deschanel starts digging, but Beau hesitates -- apparently, he decided that a sleepless weekend of evidence-hunting was a good time to whip out the $2000 suit. (I can't figure out if this is an adorable reference to ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT or pissing on its grave.) But Deschanel yells at him and he gets a shovel. And she has to teach him how to dig properly. Shout-out for the Eros Battalion? Well, probably not.
Anyways, they find some more dead girls and figure out that the Such-A-Nice-Boy was in fact a serial killer who figured that if the other girls he killed were discovered, then the execution couldn't go forward as planned and he'd have to be retried. Boy, is Hot Lady Lawyer's face red! Before Lesser Deschanel and Beau leave, though, Deschanel breaks his wrist. So I guess the fact that he's a crazed serial killer who successfully manipulated the system is okay, then.
The important thing is that Deschanel agrees that maybe she shouldn't have a gun, and Beau says she can use his!
Sounds like foreplay to me.
They have sexual tension, you know.
Love,
Liz
Happy Thanksgiving! I hope yours was better than Deschanel and Beau's! They did a bad job of solving crime this time.
I mean, I'm writing this a few days after seeing it, and this isn't exactly a show that lingers in the brain. But lemme see what I can remember...
Oh, yeah! Deschanel wants a gun, so she can shoot people in case Beau's dead or incapacitated. Not that she WANTS that to happen. But she sure does want that gun. But when she shot that guy in the pilot, Beau had to charge her with a felony for shooting an unarmed man, and apparently being charged with a felony means you don't get a gun. Just another cute story for them to tell their grandchildren!
And then a Hot Lawyer Lady (maybe I should stop referring to the characters as Hot or Not, given that they all seem to be some varying degree of Hot) shows up, because a South-Talking Such-A-Nice-Boy-Who-Would-Have-Thought who Beau put in the slammer is about to get his ass lethal-injectioned in forty-eight hours.
Being as he is one of those conscienceable ex-snipers, Beau goes to see the South-Talking Such-A-Nice-Boy (workin' his Edward Norton quite nicely, thank you), who claims innocence from killing a pretty blonde thing all those years ago. SANB even jumps us to this week's "When I Was a Sniper" update BEFORE THE END OF THE TEASER: "I mean, when you were a sniper, how many people did you kill?" I swear to God.
So Beau's like, hey, nerds, you aren't doing anything this weekend, right? Because we have 38 hours to find the identity of an unexplained pubic hair on the victim's seven-years-cold underwear. Lesser Deschanel, who, in case you've forgotten, HAS NO LIFE, of course is happy to stick around, but Hot Not Asian's got sex plans and doesn't want to cancel them. So her solution is to bring Random Sex-Doing Boy to the lab and make him sit in a corner while she "takes care of a few things." But Random Sex-Doing Boy gets creeped out by the dead bodies and runs away, calling them all freaks.
You know what this show is? Subtle.
Blah blah blah investigation. There's a judge who keeps getting woken up in the middle of the night to sign various exhumation orders, and he won't close his bathrobe when Deschanel asks. He's genuinely entertaining. And Hot Lady Lawyer is kinda dumb, but she sure does ask Deschanel if she and Beau are doing it! Deschanel: "No, no, we just work together." HLL: "Are you sure? Because I sensed some SEXUAL TENSION..."
Did I mention the subtle?
They figure out where the murder weapon might have been left (they find pollen in the skull wound? I don't know) and when they get there the future technology indicates that there are more bodies. Deschanel starts digging, but Beau hesitates -- apparently, he decided that a sleepless weekend of evidence-hunting was a good time to whip out the $2000 suit. (I can't figure out if this is an adorable reference to ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT or pissing on its grave.) But Deschanel yells at him and he gets a shovel. And she has to teach him how to dig properly. Shout-out for the Eros Battalion? Well, probably not.
Anyways, they find some more dead girls and figure out that the Such-A-Nice-Boy was in fact a serial killer who figured that if the other girls he killed were discovered, then the execution couldn't go forward as planned and he'd have to be retried. Boy, is Hot Lady Lawyer's face red! Before Lesser Deschanel and Beau leave, though, Deschanel breaks his wrist. So I guess the fact that he's a crazed serial killer who successfully manipulated the system is okay, then.
The important thing is that Deschanel agrees that maybe she shouldn't have a gun, and Beau says she can use his!
Sounds like foreplay to me.
They have sexual tension, you know.
Love,
Liz
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